The weather has been amazing today, I just love days like these when I can wear my polka-dot dress with my vest of jean and a polka-dot buckle. Yep, I’m obsessed with dots on everything, I may even say that freckles would be an amazing match to my outfits.
Regardless of my weird taste on things, guys and places to walk, today has been one of those rad days I haven’t had in a while. These last week I’ve been acting like sort of a self-conscious and self pity bastard, which is the sad version on myself when things and circumstances don’t go my way; I wish I could say I’m a fighter who stand before any wind, but let the truth be told: the first little thing that hurts I run away towards distraction, self-condemnation then God. Once I’ve been one, I’m sincerely trying to bring her back, I’m sure she’s not that far somewhere.
But thankfully these last days I came across with so many inspirational peeps who really moved me from the inside out. Mostly amazing artists who I’m in lovewiththeirlyrics kind.
A dude who has reached the top of fame and even tho he remains attached to God.
An amazing guy used by God who were told that after a car crash he wouldn’t live again.
A man who were told he would need a vocal cord surgery, He has already released 8 records.
And I could keep going… the thing is while I listen to every detail on their testimony and one thing I see that remains is God’s faithfulness, and the greatness to make amazing things with a normal life with a momentary impasse. And, don’t tell me how but I could listen to God telling me “calm down little pie, I can also do it with you. Stay close”,
These last months, I’ve been struggling a lot with my spine. I’ve been having massive backaches, to the point where I couldn’t even move because the pain in my ribs. Appointments with doctors. Emergency visits. Surgery talks. Situations that I would love to get rid off but somehow, around the corner, behind the mountains there is a purpose. Struggling with my spine is basically based not being able to dance, for the moment. A month with a really tough time when every plan was interrupted because of this situation. I couldn’t do much that watch a movie or read book. I’m actually hanging on God’s grace and an injection I had last month. But one thing I struggled most was with insecurity. Insecurity about the future, my dreams, my love life, my love for dancing; weeping now and then, I started to hang, against my will, on God’s promises, because honestly I don’t have nothing more, that sweet Saviour has me attached to that heart of his.
But today surprisingly I woke up, with a God’s given confidence, a beautiful sun coming through my window and a summer heat which usually inspires to do everything. My routine is not that stressful since I’ve been sort of fired from my job, so much of my time is basically spent on reading books, swimming, cleaning, cooking or hanging out. Anyway, today somehow I decided to go back and give a chance again to attend the musical comedy classes I’ve been taking since last year; because honestly I wasn’t in the mood to visit my mates and watch them dance while I was there standing. Not my thing. But after preparing an amazing birthday gift for my friend Sophia and sharing an ice cream with my grandma, I decided to go back to my renewed theatre in my town (yep, MY, I’ve attended classes there most of my lifetime).
Once I get there, I couldn’t help but feeling like a glance of hope shining through my cynism, for some reason my back wasn’t that awkward, and after saying my “hellos” to my always-lovely mates, I’ve found out that most of the whole fears I’ve got are just in my head and nowhere else.
Fear is a lie.
Limitations are a lie.
And I asked myself:
“tell me, what would you if the impossibility of scoliosis wouldn’t exist?
“Then do it, for life’s sake“
For some weird and unconscious act I ended up dancing the whole chorography and even more making the warm-ups exersices for two lovely hours. Surprised of myself I came back home, with a brand new faith.
I’m not gonna lie, frequently the aches come back and I have to remain quiet, but today “she” has been acting cool.
The cherry of the top ended up when I remembered one lucky time when I had the chance to meet an amazing dancer whose scoliosis is pretty much like mine and when I re-opened the last message we exchanged with each other it read like this:
“Oh I see. My doctors told me the same thing when i was younger! He said i should quit, but it hasn’t stopped me yet!” (Amazing lady here & here)
It seems like the road isn’t even over yet.
So, last but not least, gonna leave my teenage anthem of victory here. Be rad!